please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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