how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
