Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
