Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
