i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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