Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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