Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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  (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca
  Replies (71) Good night (5774) Bad night (702)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

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  (314): Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though. http://tfl.nu/zzah
  Replies (18) Good night (6404) Bad night (708)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5311) Bad night (1433)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.

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  (214): Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me. http://tfl.nu/heot
  Replies (14) Good night (1101) Bad night (4666)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

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  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (6432) Bad night (1080)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice

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  (608): im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice http://tfl.nu/dly6
  Replies (15) Good night (3212) Bad night (1440)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.

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  (202): Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools. http://tfl.nu/n6n6
  Replies (12) Good night (986) Bad night (2259)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?

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  (781): Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge? http://tfl.nu/a35e
  Replies (1) Good night (1530) Bad night (627)
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  (707): View more from California

  It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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  (707): It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know. http://tfl.nu/9rsw
  Replies (20) Good night (1687) Bad night (672)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.

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  (239): Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day. http://tfl.nu/tiwu
  Replies (6) Good night (1103) Bad night (679)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad

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  (203): But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad http://tfl.nu/s23a
  Replies (5) Good night (1244) Bad night (448)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?

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  (413): Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later? http://tfl.nu/klxq
  Replies (6) Good night (944) Bad night (302)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.

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  (520): You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee. http://tfl.nu/cxay
  Replies (1) Good night (346) Bad night (961)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao

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  (561): Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao http://tfl.nu/lnta
  Replies (3) Good night (419) Bad night (640)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....

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  (512): I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex.... http://tfl.nu/br3k
  Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (230)

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