I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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