So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.