When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
