i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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