i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
