Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.