if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
