I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
