The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
