Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
