Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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