my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
