Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
