i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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