She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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