yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
