1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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