she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
