She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
BRING THE BAGELS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
