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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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