I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
