Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
