THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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