im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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