There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sobbing to NWA
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
