I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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