Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
