I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When did angry sex become our thing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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