She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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