So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
