I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
