I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
