I want to make a zoo with you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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