Swine flu. Run for my life!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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