I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
