He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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