I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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