How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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