So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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