how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm too high and old for this...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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