Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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