this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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