Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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