My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
