I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
