i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
