Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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