apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
