Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
