and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
