I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
