Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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