Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
