You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
