i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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