She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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