your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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