some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
