We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
