Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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