If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So vagazzling was a success
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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