so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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