There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
