She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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