she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
