FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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