plz talk dirty to me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
