fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
