Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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