i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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