I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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