i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
