You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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