kristin has been a bad kristin
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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